Many of us spend a lot of time beating ourselves up. For some this is so normal that they scarcely realise that they are doing it.

There are three facets of the way we speak to ourselves internally that need to be addressed. For simplicity, we will call this way of addressing ourselves the inner voice.

Firstly, do you speak to yourself in the first person or the third person?
Most people, when they reflect on this, will become aware that they commonly use the third person. Instead of saying 'I' they use the word 'you' even though the subject is themselves. Often, in practice, the 'you' is often followed by a critical 'should'. Try addressing yourself in the first person and dropping the 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts'.

Secondly, the tonality of the voice will need to be addressed. Often it is the internalisation of a teacher, a parent or some other controlling figure from our childhood. Instead of this, what is required is to make this voice use a tonality that is supportive and encouraging - the sort of voice you are likely to respond positively to.

Finally, note the location of the voice. Is it experienced as if the voice is speaking to you form the outside? Again this is likely to be a throwback to childhood and experiencing corrective voices from outside yourself. The inner voice should be experienced as if it is speaking from within you. It is you speaking - not someone from your past.

In a nutshell - take ownership of your own inner voice and liberate yourself from the tyranny of the past!